A New Man in Town

There’s a new man in town!!! I think he has been messing with me and you, trying to turn my blog into a meat market, asking me to pimp my sister out. Little does he know I am watching, I know who you are, and now ….can I tell the rest of the world?

This man is a great writer. Annually, around the holidays this man writes a mini-novel, letting us know what an imagination he has, we vie for a place in this book. Who can to the most outlandish thing, to make the annual “Christmas Letter”? I look forward to his holiday greeting as they are the greatest stories around and filled with memories that we would have missed otherwise. I am excited about his blog, I can’t wait to read what he has to say, it will be like Christmas everyday!!!

This is a man that deserves respect, one that has earned it, one that beat my HINNY (another nickname of mine I failed to share) red for not showing it. He is a jokester, but only half of what he says is false… the other half is bullshit! He has been known to cause spontaneous orgasms with just his voice, so we have been told. Not by me of course, his voice would curb any sexual thoughts that I have, and would probably send my husband running in fear. Little kids want his autograph and big kids want his advice.

He is married? YES, and you lonely ladies leave him be, or you will have my ass kicking mama on your tail. My ass kicken’ mama could outsmart and out-walk you. At all of 98lbs. she will tear you up, don’t mess this little lady. This is a lady of control, when I think girl power this lady is it. Independent, sophisticated, attractive, she sets her mind and does it. Let’s see if we can set her mind on BLOGGING! Now that she is retired, she has all the free time.

Okay enough brown nosing…..NOW PRESENTING...Hyperbole Prattle.

Happy Birthday Tabitha!!!

My wild and crazy friend… Everyone say, hi to Tabitha, she is a hoot. Never, I say never try to finish her sentences, because what ever she says ...won’t be what you expected. I tell you this girl needs to be on the radio or even TV…MAD TV…. I see big bucks here.

If you all say happy birthday she may post more often.

A Few Blogs I Go To EVERYDAY!!!

So it birthday time!!! 36 yep she is THIRTY SIX. She’s a little whacked but that is because of all the abuse she has endured over the years of being a mother, 20 years behind her and another 18 to go!!!

Yes she is my sister, can you see the resemblance?

Fish Taxi, is a true Alaskan Gal. You must go check out her current post…if she were in Anchorage she would have the law at her doorstep, birdseed is for the birds, but you tell that to the bears.

Kentucky Girl…she just makes me laugh. You must read this.

Ficken Chingers, an 80’s kind of gal, but she’s not in denial over it, like me. She also likes “Grey’s Anatomy”, me too, even better than “Desperate Housewives”.

Oh yeah thanks for the reminder, Anonymous….another nickname…must be from a brother of mine or maybe my father, not to many people know about the shrimp..... But who?

Bone Shattering

After that last post I figured I should let the family all know…

It is time to go see the Shriner’s again…I hate the word surgery and when they throw BONES (meaning four major leg bones) in there it gets worse! We are talking …cutting the bones and turning them so they are straight again. Both femur’s need to twist out and both Tibia’s in.

Muscle transfers are a possibility or maybe just tendon lengthening, I can only pray that we have those options, but when her local trusted doctor goes straight for the bones… I fear the less traumatizing surgeries are not an option. Usually they ease into these things, especially when talking with a twelve year-old.

Botox treatments have been a hit and miss. Something always keeps us from getting in on time…burns, flu, infected pressure sores, deaths, or the SMURF fungus. Each time something sets us back it seems to take a lifetime to get up and running again.

Tater thinks they are scaring her into more Physical Terrorist appointments and more diligence in serial casting, stretching and exercise, I think they are serious. We will see… after we talk to the local ortho surgeon and ortho guy from Shriner’s.

In a way Taters thoughts were right, she is scared enough to let us cast her right leg, her “Good Leg”. Each week we will replace the cast, each cast will stretch her a little more. This is not an easy process, when the new casts are put on it is such a stretch that her spasictity kicks in, for the first three nights it is constant leg cramps. Even with the muscle relax-ers it only takes the edge off. We hope that the leg will stretch out enough so that she will be able to stand tall again, and if not at least we are breaking her bad habit of walking on her knees. So currently Tater is hobbling around with a HUDE red cast all the way up to her thigh.

Angels & Demons

I just finished “Angels & Demons”. I enjoyed this book much more “The DaVinci Code”, maybe because it was the battle between Science and Religion. How the two play into the whole picture has always been a question of mine? Next time I read it, my highlighter pen will be joining me, I would like to look up some of the idea’s Dan Brown has risen.

On another note I found it was quite odd…a few days before I started this book. I was online researching how to get Tater hooked up with Shriners Children’s Hospital, again. In my search I thought what a great organization to get involved in and proceeded to look into joining, did you know you have to be a Master Mason? The whole time I was reading “Angels and Demons” I pictured old men in funny red “bucket” hats with gold tassels, sneaking around the Vatican City, trying to destroy the “church”.

Definitions

bloggled thoughts -- [adjective]: Visually addictive 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

This One’s is for Dad

I was headed into the grocery store the last week and there was a little boy giving away puppies, they were the cutest puppies, way to young to be finding new homes. They were cute little black labs, clearly too young to be finding a new home. After a quick peek, I noticed the box said “FREE Democratic Puppies”. I went into the store, pondering what the box meant…. I didn’t have my glasses on, maybe I misread it, or it was a breed name, or maybe it was just a sales gimmick. When I got home I was still curious, so I searched the web for “democratic dogs” the search only brought up pictures of Bill Clinton.

So today, I went to the store to get some cheese and milk. The same little boy was there and I hadn’t misread his box it did say “Democratic Puppies”. I wasn’t blind or illiterate, the only difference was, today the box read …..“FREE Democratic Republican Puppies”… I had to ask…. “How come they are now Republican Puppies when just last week it said Democratic?” He looked up at me like I was silly and replied “Well, last week, when they were democratic puppies, their eyes were closed. Now their eyes are open!”

Yes, I Am Obsessing

This guy helps you find names for your band…maybe one of these would work for a blog name. Most of these I didn’t pick for myself. Some I thought of someone instantly, some I though I would attempt to look up their meanings and some I just laughed…but none of these are meant to offend anyone (because I don’t know what half of them mean).

• Bogus Epiphany
• Diafragma
• Pico Seuss
• Protohootie
• The Hobogoblins
• Wheelchair Getaway Drivers
• Off My Hook
• Big Head Of Pointless Steam
• Zeitgeisty Goodness
• Bogus Epiphany
• Skitterpup
• Booger Cannon
• The Problematic Negroes
• Fisherman's Dwarf
• Erratic Howlings
• Space Cow
• The Yam Blammers
• Foliage
• Experience The Funicular
• Doltish Oeuvre
• Bob Knob & The Throbbin' Slobs
• Questionable Sushi
• Lethal Muffins
• Naugahyde Bonfire
• Ham Judo
• The Visiting Dingleberries
• Plague Of Boredom
• Chemically Insane
• Surfeit Of Nobodies
• Yoink

Yoink was my favorite…but already taken. Guess which ones I am thinking abou, or who I thought about…and feel free to brainstorm!

Identity Crisis

My name…..I love my parents dearly but why did they give me this name…HEIDI….I believe it is because she was reading the book when she went into labor? I am pretty sure my name was supposed to Sarah. Which no offense Sarah, but I am not a Sarah, either. I often get called Roberta, YUCK. Another name I get called is Wendy, although this is the best of them it is still not right.

What is my point here? I do not like the name of my Blog, nor my URL, and I need a nick name to replace my real name. Seeing my name out there is odd, Tater said my title is LAME, and although I live in Alaska, I hate being cold, so winter sports are out and I have a phobia about fish, and eating Wild Animals is not something a partake in….so really…I am only An-Alaskan-Gal because Both sets of grandparents homesteaded here. Don’t get me wrong I love living here! The people are great, it is so beautiful, and the daylight in the summers!!!

When I got into this, I figured I would get bored so I didn’t think to much about it. Now, I am bloging two times a day, its all we talk about around here. Now that you have sucked me into your world, I want a cool name like Bossco, Fish Taxi, Klondike Kate, or Rhapsodic. There is just nothing you can do with my name even…. JD has a cool name; he even signs his service reports for work, JD Plumma.

The only nicknames that EVER had are…

• Heidi HO – I am not a whore.
• Heidi HO HAHAHAHA….only funny when CHUCKY (Rockett) said it.
• Hi-Di Hi-Doe Hi-Da – It’s part of a Poka song….Accept, when someone else uses it.
• Heidi McHarrycherry - thanks SKINNEY BALLS (aka Jimmy Ball)!!
• Hyder – A couple of Anchor Point brothers gave me this name. I liked them both but we all know you don’t date Anchor Point boys.
• Herringbone - A nickname my older brother got early on in his wresting career, Mr. Hofseth though I could use it too.
• Mama Long Legs – My best friend’s mom gave this one to me. I was never sure if it because I abnormally long legs, or if it was because I lived with MILLIONS if Daddy Long Legs.
• Bahama-mama – A name my husband gave me when I was tan and he wanted some action.
• The Alpha Bitch – seeing how I am the top dog of the Wolf Clan. Yes, I know a bitch is a dog in heat, what’s your point?

So there really isn’t anything to work with. Hyder or Alpha Bitch would be the best out of those…but it’s not right. I could go with my interests ….but I am a “jack of all trades master of none” (heard it on Jay Leno the other night). I could go with something Girl Scout-ish but I do that for the girls not me. Oh wait maybe Thin Mint….kinda’ spicy, huh?

JD says I can’t change …but I can, you know. He says you will all have to change your links…yes that may be true, but you will get over it. I am sure most of you know how.

If I am ever going to be the next Dooce or Rhapsodic (they are famous you know), these things need to be changed; before I get to much more into this. So if you come back and I am not here is because I am in Hyder or maybe I am someone else. Any idea’s…?

MEME

Whew…Valette has saved you all from a post that was all too serious. I am not sure if I should follow Valette’s layout of this MEME or follow the way it was sent her….Oh well here it goes.

To be contrary and different: One and A Half Things

Jobs I Have Had But Have Lie About Having So As To Make Myself Appear Less of a Dork:

• One: Balloon Twister, I just wanted my own collection of colorful Latex.
• And A Half: Inventory Control, catching monkey poop, would be more fun then working for idiots that force you to hire on with them because no one wants to do such a lame job.

Movies I Have Great Difficulties Understanding:

• One: Anything JD rents
• And A Half: That one JD big brother recommended…shoot, it Bruce Willis…I couldn’t even find it online. It had multiple plot lines that tied together. It was in black and white; except in each plot line, one important character would have some color. The filming was awesome. The car chases had a subtle car-toney effect that made me continue watching, despite JD’s snores. I am sure if I would have watched it again I would have caught what was going on, but was easier to have JD big brother fill me in.

Places In Which I Want To Vacation:

• One: New Zealand
• And A Half: Disney World

Foods I Cannot Stand:

• One: Fish! It is what we feed our dog teams and if we are hunting eagles it is bait.
• And A Half: Beef jerky…dates back to multiple car trips and motion sickness.

Places I’d Rather Not Be, Thank You Very Much:

• One: I have to agree with Valette on this …At dinner with my grandmother … but I hear stories about all of her precious piano students while being grilled as to why I never visit.
• And A Half: Playing with Taters Physical Terrorists.

Albums In My Collection I Blame On the Husband:

• One: “My Ding-A-Ling” I know it is only one song…
• And A Half: “Romantic Sax”--- Subliminal messages there? Great music, but what’s with the name.

Vehicles I Have Nearly Totaled:

• One: Chevy Corsica – 1989- cute little car we had it just a month, before it lost the battle with the moose.
• And A Half: Subaru- Mid 80’s – I hit the Homer version of a Grey Hound bus, only after missing the School Bus packed with all my peers, and my little brother. The school bus driver saw us and pulled over. I could see baby brother peering out the window with a smug smirk telling me that he knew he would get home first to tell on me.

I am tagging:

• One: Shana
• And A Half: Sarah
• And A Half: Tabitha
• And A Half: Anna
• And A Half: Fish Taxi
• And A Half: Bratknee
• And A Half: Dad and Erica if they ever get off their butt and get a BLOG!!!

Baking Soda the Miracle Substance

I was told recently that baking soda added to dish soap (the hand washing kind) will keep the soap from over suds-ing. So when you run out of that child killer… machine dish washing soap…you can substitute the above mentioned mixture.

This tip has come in handy on many occasions. Like when the 2.37 gallon jug of liquid laundry soap fell off the dryer and spattered all over the carpet in the laundry room. I added some baking soda and sucked it up with the carpet shampooer. There was still an un-godly amount of suds, but it could have been worse, and now I have the freshest carpet in the world…I may have found replacement soap for the carpet shampooer. It really masks the dog smell.

INSTANT GRATIFICATION

I never shop online, but for some reason, I ordered books online. Never again ….why?....

I NEED THAT INSTANT GRATIFICATION…

it’s been a 1.28571428571429 days and it is still not here!

Energy, they sap it out of me!

We are STILL struggling to harness this energy.

Concert Review

We have the most talented kids at our school; I went to the band/choir/orchestra concert yesterday. I was so impressed, those teachers and students have accomplish great things in half a school year. Talent I tell you pure talent.

The Orchestra was outstanding, if it were not for this simplicity of the songs; I could have been at an concert where the performers were much more experienced. I found myself closing my eyes and swaying with the music, when I wasn’t watch one of my “adopted daughters” Rukya. Her mom would never let me have her but I can dream.

The band was also superb, “the pizza hut” song was the most challenging and most stressful for the students, and yet they pulled it off. Tater was the best of course. She is the only Sax player so the teacher brought in another player from a different school to help her out. She of course out played him. There was not one sax squeak, and yet the clarinets had many. I was not able to enjoy this part of the concert as much seeing how I could not see my child playing and I was busy trying to peek around the lady in front of me. But I know all of her practice paid off, and she knew it to. It was the best day for her, even better then a Friday. Don’t ever tell her she can’t do it…because she will.

Both Tater and Rose are in the choir, they did not get this talent from me; it must have come from the Plumber’s side of the family. Tater was not up on stage to sing, seeing how the stage is not wheelchair accessible, so I am sure she did not get the recognition that the others did. Rose was so beautiful up there standing in the middle of the choir. They really knocked the audience’s socks off. We laughed, tapped our feet, and it ended with not one dry eye in the house. Everyone was in tears. The last song was a song about God; yes God in a public school, taking a child to heaven in the palm of his hand. With children singing this, the effects are great. They dedicated it to Chelsea and her family.

A Night In Life Of A Girl Scout Leader

Twelve 2^nd grade girls, working on a “Eco-Explorer” badge. They are working diligently making their own habitat. First they cut the top off their 2 liter recycled soda bottles, each girl being very careful with their scissors. No one was hurt.

They put gravel in the bottom and each girl carried their habitat to the sink and fills it with water. No water was spilt.

We explained that for a healthy habitat we have to make sure there is no pollutants, and that our hands may have lotions, soap, or cleaning chemicals residue on them and that they wouldn’t want to pollute their new habitats. They all go back to the sink and wash their hands with water only.

When all is settled again each girl plants a small bamboo plant in their gravel. Each plant was handled with care.

It is then explained, what a healthy habitat is and was it needs to survive and what can harm it. It is explained that each part needs the other, the fish wouldn’t live without the O2 and the food the plant gives, the plant needs the “Waste” (politically correct organization) the fish gives off.

We then bring out the fish. A big yellow Tupper ware bowl just like mom’s old popcorn bowl, it was bubbling over as 30 minnows went jumping about. As the fish are put into their new habitat they go belly-up instantly. We continue on figuring the fish are just in shock. After 6 fish are officially pronounced dead and 12 little girls are traumatized… we figured it out…we forgot to tell them about ideal climates. Minnows are not HOT water fish.

I can’t wait until the story gets home to their parents; at least this will be easier to explain than the naked statue pictures when we talked about “3-D Art” and famous artists.

Note: All of these girls figured out that fruits/vegetable are grown in “Waste”. They all vow never to eat any of it again. What am are teaching them????

I am a girl, I am not stupid

Yesterday, I brought my pretty white Chevy Silverado to the dealer mechanic, for its appointment, I told them my truck is….

A. FARTING obnoxious fumes and running rough. That it is probably an O2 sensor in the fuel system and/or the exhaust system that needs to be replaced;

B. the drive line is “clunking” when I take off from a stop, and that it probably needs “packed”;

C. there several recall issues to fix, tailgate cables, dome lights, ect;

D. These are normal Chevy issues and I am sure it is covered by warranty and/or recalls.

E. We also have an after market warranty and will get reimbursed for any or all of the costs,

F. That I am not worried about the cost but would like an estimate before they start the work.

G. I tell him I need my truck back that afternoon it is our only rig.

H. I even pulled the…I have a kid in a wheelchair that depends on that truck to get her to school and doctor appointments.

They still did not know what was wrong with it today at noon….

So tell me ….WHY, TELL ME DOES IT TAKE 36 HOURS TO DIAGNOS THE PROBLEM? Especially when there is supposedly a computer that helps “Diagnose” the problems and a shop with 50 or so mechanics in it. My father in-law “diagnosed it” over the phone with out even looking at it. I TOLD them what was wrong!!!

For an approval, the mechanic tells me. An approval to diagnoses my truck, when I brought it in to be looked at in the first place? Is that not an approval to look at my truck? And why would you not ask for “An Approval” the first thirty times I called?

But, at 12:30 today, after I can no longer hold my temper, I ask my husband call and tells the same man…

A. the truck is running rough

B. Fix the drive line issue

C. Fix the recalls

D. and I want it done now!

It is Diagnosed in an hour, a return phone call as soon as they know something, the issues are all very common, the recalls are being done, and the rest of the issues are under warranty, that there will be no cost to us, and that it will be fixed by the end of the day.

Sounds all too good to be true...having balls can’t make life that easy…..

so what’s it going to be?

A huge bill? Another week being “fixed”? Or a truck that is still not running right?

Edit – So I did get my truck back tonight …

· A sensor in the exhaust system replaced

· Tail gate cable replaced (recall)

· Dome light fixed (recall, I do not know it’s issue)

To be scheduled…

· Drive line, they no longer temporarily fix it by “packing” it with grease they now actually replace the aluminum casing. J

· O2 censor will be replaced

Cost to us…..Nothing so far.

Just as I told’em, I guess I need to get some BALLS…